Factors that Make up my World

I was so confused and nobody does know it. It hurts more than I thought and it boils me in such a way like never before; I’ve made the decision to choose what I’m suppose to be and about shortly I was able to realize that I’m starting to doubt whether it would bring me to something good or with the opposite of it. I just try to start making myself figure out what I really want, but not even a single thought would come up into my mind answering the figure of question that was starting to grow into my mentality. I would like to try opening this up to somebody who would really understand me, but I fear the thought that they might decline me if I do so. As time pass by I slowly realize that school does not produce me any satisfying thing; the logics does not mean anything to me at all, I feel like I’m being imprisoned in a space that was not meant for me. I want to stop these ridiculous and unethical mind busting doubts. I tried to stay in focus for what I have now but it’s like that I’m the only one making the force to pursue on it; my heart and mind does not suite to accompany me. It’s unexplainably stronger than what I take into consideration; the emotions, the self, the mind they are all like combating into a deeper sense, they all yell for compassion that is like an exasperating sound which spoils my whole life form; more deeper than being alone, more achier than a physical wound, and I could not just count how many sleepless nights have I taken just to figure out what was it that is really missing in me. It’s like puzzling out an image on which you are not even sure of what it looks like; assembling it without a guide would cause a harder task to figure out where to start, and where to end, though there are other ways but it would be a time consuming process before you could fully make it, but maybe its what its suppose to be.
 

It’s not really hard to think of a very suiting words that would answer a question for a particular subject; in school the questions from a book is so easy to be conceptualized, but the question of the being is the most difficult to answer; questions from a book is already a concept, while questions of the being is very unstable; after you’ve answered the first one another question is formulated in some instance I already came into a very crazy ideology that life is a cyclic process of a question and answer portion.